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Infidelity

Shirley Glass, Ph.D.


   Affairs are less about love and more about boundaries. Affairs can happen in good marriages.

   The major attraction in an affair is NOT the love partner but the positive mirroring of the self -- "the way I look when I see myself in the other person's eyes."

   The conventional wisdom is that the person having an affair isn't "getting enough" at home. The truth is, the person isn't giving enough.

   Most affairs are far more equitable than the marriages they violate.

   One of the greatest threats to marriage today is the child-centered family.

   When women have affairs, it is much more often a result of a long-term marital dissatisfaction -- and the marriages are much harder to repair.

   People often try to justify an affair by rewriting the marital history. They'll say, "I never really loved you."

   Most people think that talking about the affair with the spouse will only create more upset, but that is actually the way to rebuild intimacy.

   The single best indicator of whether a relationship can survive infidelity is how much empathy the unfaithful partner shows for the pain they have caused when the betrayed spouse gets emotional and starts "acting crazy."




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